Right now I’m quite annoyed with this company I’m thinking of joining as a contractor, for messing up my schedule and dropping the ball on an understanding. I have allowed it to negatively impact other areas of my life. This anger has infected my day and I’m ashamed to say I’ve channelled it by unfairly taking it out on others. I don’t like this about myself but I let it drag on. If I were my coach, I would ask myself: “Anger stems from thinking that you have been treated unfairly. How have you been treated unfairly?” The answer to that would then lead to a second set of questions: “So what exactly have they done or not done that lead to this unfairness?” “Are they aware of it?” “If you can do anything, what would you do to right the situation?”
I have just started a coaching book club here in Hong Kong, and at our first meeting last Saturday we discussed “Flourish” by Martin Seligman, the person whom we owe positive psychology to. There are many nuggets of wisdom in the book but one that will help me a great deal right now is “count your blessings”. I have allowed a minor frustration become magnified to a proportion which it does not deserve, and I take responsibility for allowing this – of not directly clearing up the matter with the party concerned. How I can use “count your blessings” here is to put things into perspective by taking stock of what has happened in our lives during the year – especially those good things that have come our way.
Looking back at 2012 I am very grateful that my adventure into coaching and facilitating has been very fruitful. I have not only gained a lot of experience in facilitating workshops, meetings and working with many new clients, but have also taken the next step to create workshops on topics which I am passionate about. I got to give back to the community by organising coaching outreach sessions and starting a book club with like-minded coaches and coachees who are into discussing the books I am interesting in reading and sharing. I have also built a certain level of experience and reputation that other training and coaching companies are now approaching me to work on projects with them. I couldn’t have planned it better and I am really proud of the work I have achieved this year so far.
Has “counting my blessings” helped me turn my mood around? I think it has. I am more able to put things into perspective now and take on the issue with more positivity and confidence, rather than letting it control me. I have also found the positive effect of counting and accumulating my blessings, like a store of goodwill that I can revisit whenever I need. I should know this as I have learned about Barbara Frederickson’s Broaden and Build theory on positivity at my applied positive psychology class, but nothing beats actually using the theory in real life in gaining a first-hand learning experience.
PS. The latest development of this story has been a happy one. Another training company called and I am now going to a train the trainer workshop on the very day that the original workshop was scheduled. It seems that my schedule was disrupted for a reason, one that I am very grateful for. How stupid I am now feeling about the way I acted then. The lesson here, is to be calm and grateful for whatever happens to me, as the silver lining is not usually that far away.